White Knights and Dark Shadows
by Amelie Bella
Summary: Hawke has never particularily cared about much of anything other than her family. She has never had the time for men in her life with a new disaster around every corner. However two men vie for her attention, thus the Hawke Fenris Anders love triangle begins. Rated for violence, smut, and adult situations.
1. Chapter 1: Pride and Prejudice

**AN: **_For all those that love the Fenris, Hawke, Anders love triangle. Enjoy! The picture for this story is not mine, belongs to Savid on Deviantart. Disclaimer as always bioware owns all._

Chapter 1: Pride and Prejudice

We all sat around Varric's table. I was nursing my third glass of pinot grigio, idly twisting the stem of the glass between my finger tips. It was the first get together we'd had in awhile with all of us there, commemorating our successful trip to the Deep Roads and to celebrate the life of my sister. I still missed Bethany desperately and although she was alive having been saved by some quick thinking on Anders' part, she was now forever out of my reach with the Grey Wardens. I hoped some day to see her again even if it was only for a few moments.

I glanced up yet again that night to find the elf scowling at me from across the table. I was growing accustomed to this common occurrence since we so rarely agreed upon anything but it was still irritating as I wanted so badly to know what was going in that head of his. Giving him a calculating look, I leaned back in my chair brushing a strand of my red poker straight hair, that had escaped from my pony tail, behind my ear. I felt Anders arm intentionally graze against my shoulder blades as he talked animatedly with Varric using the back of my chair to relax upon. Turning my head to flash him a smile, I noticed out of the corner of my eye Fenris shift uneasily, his expression changing slightly, in clear disapproval of Anders attention and my acceptance of it. I nestled my head into the crook of his elbow just to piss off the elf more, he rewarded me with a faint groan of annoyance followed by the clenching of his jaw.

My smile widened into a grin at Anders before glancing away again knowing now how much it would infuriate him. I couldn't help it really, my new goal in life was to see how many times a day I could get him to scowl at me, or groan, or curse, or better yet to start bickering. I didn't know what it was that made me do this as I treated no one else this way, well other than Carver when he was alive. I didn't particularly like him all that much, aside from being a great fighter he was an all around pain in the ass. He was opinionated, grumpy, challenging, extremely prejudice, arrogant, stubborn and so damn good looking that I wanted to both kiss him and punch him at the same time, although if anyone ever asked me I would never admit to the last part.

Anders, on the other hand, he was a challenge I enjoyed conquering. At first the mage had pushed me away every time I gave him a sultry look, or said something flirtatious. Initially injuring my pride but after coming back from the deep roads he had been unusually attentive. I spent a great deal of time in his company, enjoying his corny jokes or listening to him relay tales from his Warden days. The best though was when he would ruffle Fenris's feathers and the two would get into a heated argument over mage freedom or whatever the topic of the day was. I crossed my arms under my chest bringing my feet up to rest on the table top right next to my abandoned wine glass.

"Done drinking already?" Isabella asked coming over to lean on the elf. He made no comment or motion to shake her off which surprised me. He actually seemed to allow her exploring hands to wander over his broad shoulders making me wonder for a moment what it would feel like to run my own fingers along the lirium lines on his spine or along his collarbone. Would they be hard like metal or soft and supple? Not that I would ever have the chance to find out as we clearly could not get along, but I'd made a promise to help him and I always keep my promises. I shook my head dispelling the thought, ignoring the small pit of jealousy that started in my stomach. Rolling my eyes more at the thoughts I'd been having than at her comment.

"We don't all have the alcohol tolerance of an ogre like you do. Besides I have no wish to repeat the events of the last time I let you push me."

She pouted, pushing her bottom lip out and then delicately running her tongue along the bottom of it, a motion that was known to cause the majority of men to groan in frustration.

"As I recall you seemed to have a good time."

I raised an eyebrow and laughed. "If I could remember any of it I might be able to confirm that."

Varric chimed in then, "But we told you what happened Hawke, you made out with three different men that night, making them follow you around like a couple of lost mabari pups. It was quite the spectacle."

I grimaced, hoping that was not the case.

Isabella nodded in agreement, "Yes, Anders here wouldn't take his eyes off you the whole night, swearing that if someone tried to run off with you he would drown them in a sea of blood or some crap like that."

I felt him stiffen next to me and knew in that instant it was at least partially true. Crap, and here I had always hoped it was all an exaggeration.

"You know that was almost three years ago now. Will I never live that down?" he asked disparagingly.

The pirate grinned at him, "Never. It's too much fun watching the two of you flush in embarrassment."

My face flamed and I covered my eyes unwilling to watch their reactions anymore, not that it would change anything. I must have looked like the most indeterminable flirt that ever made my family look ridiculous. I splayed my fingers to get a peak at the elf across the table. He had an expression on his face that I couldn't decipher, anger, which wasn't anything new to me, but underneath that was something else, something softer, something…..

It made me think of the book that I had at home that I had been meaning to give him. I kept putting it off because sometimes I did need a break from the bickering our meetings more often than not evolved to. But as much as I hated to admit it a part of me did like being around him for some masochistic reason.

Anders pulled his arm away giving me a sudden chill. I sat up pulling my legs into the chair to sit cross legged, grabbing my wine glass again if only to give my hands something to do. I pushed up the snug sleeves of my shirt exposing the scars on my arms. They were sword and dagger scars mostly from when the occasional blade got through my defenses, wounds that had been easily stitched up. I also had a burn on the front of my left shoulder that still itched from time to time in the dry weather. They existed from before the time Anders came along on our excursions to heal our injuries. Bethany had never been a proficient at creation magic, preferring the elements herself and so I had a few scars to show for it. It never bothered me and of course now that I was thinking about it the burn began to itch. Nonchalantly running my fingers under the cloth of my shirt I scratched the hard raised flesh. I glanced up making eye contact with Fenris to see that he was staring with a curious expression on his face. I raised my eyebrows in question.

"How did you get that burn, isn't that the shape of a sun they use on tranquil?"

I'd forgotten he had yet to see this. Letting out a sigh I said, "Yes."

"Why….How?" he asked looking completely perplexed.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Varric lean in, "Ah yes I've been waiting to hear this entire story, I always only get bits and pieces." Putting his index finger in the air he told me more than asked, "Hold up let me get my journal."

I gave him an annoyed look. "Why are you writing this story down? It's not exactly heroic type material."

Plopping the large book down on the table he brought out his quill and ink. "Because Hawke, people like to hear the survivor stories, it gives them something to hold on to when the world seems to be crashing down around them."

I rolled my eyes again unsure how I felt about rehashing this story yet again. "Ok. Well there isn't much to tell. It's from years ago, before Kirkwall, just before the Blight began. A group of idiot templars took me after hearing stories about my sisters abilities thinking I was her, because you know how red hair and black hair look so much alike," I added the last sarcastically.

Sighing exaggeratedly, I continued, "Well once they realized I wasn't Bethany they thought it would still be funny and somehow fitting to brand me as a warning to all apostates in the area."

I hesitated, smiling to myself, "Needless to say their plan did not come to fruition. Not exactly the best memory in the world but it did end well."

"How so" Fenris prompted.

I smirked at him, "Well they're all dead now. Killing them did brighten my day considerably."

The elf cocked his head to the side. "All of them? You killed them all yourself? How did you manage that?"

I gave him a sultry look. "It was easy really, they were men after all."

He frowned, "I don't understand."

Isabella started laughing, a beautiful sound that bounced of the walls of the bar causing every man within a ten foot radius to look her way. "Oh come on now Fenris don't be so daft."

I grinned at the pirate. I knew exactly why I liked her.

Waggling my eyebrows once at the men I explained, "I simply convinced them I could handle them all at once. It wasn't my fault they didn't check for the knife hidden in my boot. Needless to say were they alive they would find themselves eunuchs now." Shaking my head, "Men are so stupid sometimes."

I watched the men at the table cringe.

Sebastian called out from the other end, "And you don't regret causing their death."

I gave him a look of disbelief. "Uh, no. You hurt me or mine and you will find my blade in your chest someday or wherever I feel like placing it."

The prince looked dumbfounded. "You talk as if it's so simple."

I shrugged, "Because it is that simple." A frown formed on my face, voice rising with every word at a remembered pain. "I do not take kindly to sadistic assholes thinking they own the world and every mage in it." My anger was starting to grow and it was not so easy a thing, letting it go. "Sorry, sore subject with me."

"And so you think the answer is to let every mage be free." Fenris sneered.

This, of course provoked Anders. Oh dear lord what have I just done.

"And your answer is to what, kill us all, or make us all tranquil." He yelled.

"The world would be brighter for it. The only good mage is a dead mage," the elf snarled.

I stood up abruptly, the chair falling back to the ground with a loud bang. I leaned forward over the table, resting my palms on the top. I felt my lips curl into a smile, it was not a happy smile but showed the contempt I felt down to my core.

"And I suppose it would be ok to just kidnap children that show the first signs of magic and kill them too. Or better yet, why not just take every family with magic in their blood and brand them like this." I said in revulsion, pulling my shirt away to reveal the nasty looking sun shaped scar that lay beneath. "After all we have to be sure. Maker forbid a mage should run free, because it is so different from any other normal human, elf, dwarf, or quanari that goes fanatical and starts killing people. Is being at the whims of sadistic templars so different from being a slave in the hands of a malevolent master?"

"You know nothing of being a slave." He replied in a blue flash, standing up so quickly it was almost too fast for my eyes to follow. His eyes we fierce highlighted by the blue glow of his lirium brands, roiling with a burning need to release his rage.

I narrowed my eyes, "And you know nothing of being a mage." I uttered through clenched teeth.

He picked up his glass and in one fluid movement threw it passed my head to smash against the wall in a loud shattering of glass.

I glanced at the glittering remains behind me then brought my gaze back to his, "That was childish."

His entire body went rigid. He looked ready to reach across the table and grab me by the throat. Both of his fists tightened at his sides while his glare promised me pain, a scary enough sight if I hadn't already seen it a hundred times before.

Isabella, who was enjoying our verbal sparring, encouraged Anders, "Don't you have anything more to say on the mages behalf. You're normally more outspoken."

The former warden smiled, "Oh she's doing a fine job without my interference."

The pirate snorted, "Not much of a knight riding into the rescue type are you?"

He shrugged, "I've found that she is quite capable of taking care of herself. As much as I might like to come to her rescue I don't think she would allow it. In fact she would probably be mad if I did."

Isabella smirked, "Yeah a bit of a pain in the ass that way, isn't she?"

Why were they talking as if I wasn't standing right here? I hated when people did that. I raised an eyebrow turning my head to fix Anders with my stare. "I'm right here you know."

He smiled up at me, "I know." then he raised his eyebrows in question, "What do you want me to lie?"

I swung my arms up in the air in defeat, "Oh by all means tell me what you really think," and sat down in my chair with a muffled thump, all the fight having gone out of me. I belatedly realized someone must have uprighted the chair during my argument or my butt would have ended up on the floor.

He fixed me with his hazel eyes, letting me see his admiration. It instantly quelled any annoyance I had towards him. "You are strong, reliable, honorable, fiery" his hand came up to brush the red strand of my hair behind my ear again, mbreather breathe catch in my throat, "amazingly beautiful and above all you're tenacious."

I reared back, "Tenacious"

Varric nodded his head, "Oh you are definitely that Hawke." He added with a chuckle.

The rest of the group was nodding their heads in agreement, all accept Fenris that is, who was now pacing back and forth across the floor.

Varric gestured towards the elf, "I expect that's why the elf finds himself in constant disagreement with you. The two of you are very alike. He's just a much grumpier and much more male version of you."

I frowned, "Gee thanks."

Varric simply shrugged, "If you don't want the truth don't ask for it."

I rolled my eyes for the third time that night.

The dwarf glanced over again at Fenris. "By the Ancestors elf sit your bony ass down, your making me sea sick with all that pacing back and forth."

Fenris stopped pacing but refused to sit.

Varric watched him for a moment then shook his head, laughing to himself, "See, like I said tenacious."

I glowered at him.

"What?" he asked all innocence and naivety. Like anyone would believe that act for a minute.

I just shook my head at him and sulked. "I think I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on." Yes, not talking was definitely sounding like a good idea.

**AN: **_Hope you all liked it, the first of many hopefully as my muse for my other story has left me momentarily and I have had this idea in my head for awhile. Please follow, review, all that good stuff and let me know what you think._


	2. Chapter 2: Meet Me by the Wayside

_**Enjoy the tension.**_

Chapter 2: Meet Me by the Wayside

My eyes snapped open and I stared at canopy of my bed. There was light shining in through the window creating a bright slash across my bedroom floor. It was still morning. Fantastic, at best I had three hours of sleep. I rolled over onto my side wondering what had woken me when a soft knocking on the door broke the silence in the room.

"Yes" I grumbled, voice still tired with sleep.

"I beg your pardon Messir," Bodhan said poking his head into the room, "but a letter just arrived of an urgent nature that I thought would be of concern to you."

I very slowly sat up in the bed, still thoroughly exhausted from the last three days excursions.

I groaned, plopping back down on the bed, "Leave it on the dresser I'll be up momentarily."

Bodhan shuffled in leaving the letter on the table then let himself out quietly. I pulled the covers up over my head wanting desperately to go back to sleep. The windows to my room were open letting in the soft summer breeze, birds were chirping merrily and the muffled sounds of the early risers making their way around Hightown drifted up to my ears. I stuffed the pillow over my head trying to block out the sound. Three days with little to no sleep meant that today I would be loopy bordering on demented. Fun. I willed myself to go back to sleep but now that I was up my mind would not shut off. Three days of tracking down idiot dwarves, killing mercenaries, and dealing with fanatical elves trying to start a war within Kirkwall was not exactly my idea of a good time. After killing the psycho elf and her goonies sometime before dawn I spent the next few hours hacking my lungs out from breathing in the noxious fumes. I could still feel the tightness in my chest and probably would for some time. Oh well I've survived worse.

My curiosity finally got the best of me and I rolled myself out of bed to retrieve the letter. Pulling open the unadorned wax seal I scanned the note. It was only a sentence long, written in elegant script.

_Please come see me today as soon as you wake up._

_A_

Anders had mentioned he wanted to go check out some information he had gotten on a templar named Alrick, who was turning mages tranquil. I hoped the rumors weren't true but I couldn't say I would be surprised, after all look what happened to me. Why was he still up anyway? Didn't the man sleep? I dropped the letter back on the dresser and rubbed my eyes, sighing in frustration. Men, no matter what race they were, one thing was certain, they always wanted something. Money, power, attention, or a piece of ass, whatever it was, they were all the same. But I suppose that is the way of the world, we are never grateful for what we have until we are forced to live without it. The Blight had taught me that lesson all too well. Raising my arms up in the air to get a good stretch I got a whiff of my body odor and decided I had better get a bath first. No need to show up on Anders door smelling like a dead nug. Yuck!

After scrubbing myself pink in the hot water I got out and dressed. Light brown leather leggings, a white sleeveless shirt that resembled Isabella's except it lacked the lacing in the front and a belted leather and steel corset to protect my midsection. It was designed to go with a leather jacket that was hanging on my window to air out, but not only was it too damn hot to wear, it also stunk to the high heavens after yesterdays, or should I say this morning's smelly escapades. Besides, I was only going to Darktown then coming back home to sleep. I completed the outfit with knee high dark brown boots and the black leather cross straps that held the daggers on my back. The top showed off all the scars, including part of the sun shaped scar that was just under my right collarbone but it couldn't be helped, nor did I really care. Not that anyone would be looking at that anyway with the cleavage I was now showing. You would think that with all of the five foot three inches of me I would be a bit smaller in that department, but no. I was not tiny or lithe of frame. From years of training and having a combat ridden life my body was built like a 'brick shit house' or at least that was the phrasing my father always used. I was hard, lean, agile and quick like so many rogues in my profession. I had pale skin that had a faint yellow undertone so thankfully I tanned well, a smattering of freckles across my nose, and hair that was such a deep flaming red that I could often be seen from far away, especially if the sun was shining brightly as it was today. So I'm sure you can see the problem with this when we were hunting the bad guys, I stood out like a nice bull's-eye for all to see. I was taught early on how to deflect arrows and other thrown objects through superior hearing and cat like reflexes. The training that it had taken to be able to do that in battle was excruciating. So, let's just say I could fight blindfolded and still be able to prevent any knife or arrow from piercing my body. It was a talent I was quite proud of.

After some primping in the mirror I quickly braided my hair to keep it from whipping me in the face and made my way down the stairs and out the door. The weather was gorgeous, the oppressive heat had lifted with a cool sea breeze blowing in from the river. I took a deep breath of the salty air, exhilarated in the fact that I could do just that, after last night, and headed for the stairs that led to Darktown.

I stood just inside the doorway to his clinic ten minutes later, watching him heal a young boy. He was so focused that he had not noticed me walk in and I was able to stare at him shamelessly. He was taller than I would have liked being a whole head taller than me, but it was a something I was willing to ignore. However, Fenris was the perfect height, since elves were notoriously shorter than the average human male, he stood only a few inches taller than me, making me feel less like a midget and more like a normal person.

I shook my head, why I just had that thought made absolutely no sense to me. It wasn't like I had feelings for the elf. I mean, yeah he was beautiful. But so are tigers and you don't see me touching them. We couldn't even be in the same room without arguing. He was impossible to be around, so infuriating, so manipulative, so opinionated, and so…... I leaned more heavily against the door, my body completely betraying my mind. I imagined what it would be like to sit astride him, running my fingers along the lirium brands on his chest and the way he would quiver beneath me. I smirked, somehow though I doubted he would like a woman on top. He would want to be the dominant one. A small jolt of desire went straight to my groin at the thought of being at his mercy, and a groan of frustration left my lips before I could stop it. Damn elf.

Anders glanced up and gave me a genuine smile as he was done healing the child. My heart started to beat a little faster as I walked closer to him. The boy was sitting up and my mage sat back in his chair, his eyes roaming over my new outfit appreciatively. The only tell tale signs or the previous night's adventures being the dark shadows under his eyes and the slight slump of his shoulders. A smile curled my lips uncontrollably as I found myself grinning like a stupid school girl at him. Maker, help me.

"Hey you. Got my note already? I'm surprised you're here so early I figured you would be here later, after you'd slept some."

"Yes well Bodhan woke me and said it was urgent. I couldn't fall back asleep so here I am" I cocked a hip giving him a devious smile. "Did you manage to get yourself in trouble again or are you planning to go to the gallows dungeons already?"

"Me," he said innocently, "No, I never get in trouble." but then his expression became serious. "I would like to take care of this as soon as possible though. The thought of another mage being at Alrick's mercy turns my stomach."

I nodded my head in agreement. "I'm thinking maybe we should have Isabella come with us since she didn't come last night" and then I added hesitantly, "and Fenris." Anders groaned but said nothing.

"If we end up fighting templars we will need his brute strength and seeing how Aveline is probably busy or sleeping I don't think we have much choice." I explained trying to defend my decision. Besides, I added in my head, it would probably make the trip a lot more humorous. Three days in the company of Anders, Aveline, and Sebastian had me aching for some good repartee.

"Ok" he consented begrudgingly.

Three hours and many outbursts later, the four of us found ourselves standing in a doorway where we could see the backs of many templars surrounding a young woman who appeared to be a mage.

"Are you sure about this?" Isabella whispered.

I shrugged, "I'm not sure they will give us much choice once we show ourselves."

Fenris hissed, "Yes, let's charge in there and save the poor mage. The templars have no reason at all to worry about her becoming an abomination like the one standing next to me."

I glanced back giving him a not so friendly look.

"Like you should talk my lirium branded elf. How many mages have you killed with your magic glowy fists."

"They did this to me." He snarled and Isabella smacked him to be quiet. He wanted to say more, I could see, but settled with. "and I'm not _your_ elf."

It perplexed me for a moment, had I said _my_?

Shifting my eyes to Anders expecting to hear some kind of additional retort, I paused. What I saw was a man drowning in rage. He had eyes only for the templars ahead of us, anger building like a coming storm. An eerie blue line began to outline his hazel eyes. Justice was struggling for control. A man was talking and I turned my head back to the group ahead of us.

"That's a lie. What do we do to mages who lie?" The templars voice crawled down my spine making the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My entire body wanted to shake just to get rid of the feeling. Talk about maxing out the creep-o-meter.

"I just wanted to see my mum. No one ever told me where they were taking me." The young girl pleaded. I could see it was a fruitless effort as the group of men closed in on her.

Anders brushed past me, going through the doorway. After a hiss in his direction which he ignored, I gave the others a calculating look and followed behind him. Anders whole body began to tremble and he illuminated with a blue light. I held a breath, pulling my daggers out silently waiting for them to turn around. He cringed, whispering to himself.

"No, this is their place. We cannot." The glow extinguished and I exhaled slowly. Crisis momentarily avoided.

The templar continued his long overdrawn tirade. "So you admit you attempted escape. You know what happens to mage girls who don't toe the line around here, don't you?"

"Wait, let me guess_"_ I mumbled under my breath, "a slap on the ass and something to remember them by?" Isabella snickered behind me and I glanced back smiling. I could feel Fenris's eyes burning a hole in the back of my head.

"Wait, no!" the girl cried and falling to her knees, "Don't make me tranquil. I'll do anything."

Maker, doesn't every woman know you never say 'I'll do anything' to a sinister looking man, much less a templar. Stupid, and of course the man who must have been Ulrick opened his mouth again.

"That's right, once your tranquil you'll do anything I ask." He sneered.

Wow, the sexual innuendo in that statement couldn't be any more obvious. I wonder if these bastards take a class where they teach you this egotistical monologue crap because every bad guy seemed to do it.

As a group we began to walk forward, time to take out the trash.

"What are you doing to that girl?" I asked more for their attention than to get an actual answer.

Anders lit up the room with a blinding blue light.

"You fiends will never touch another mage again." He raged in a voice that was not his own, both dark and foreboding.

All the templars pulled out their swords, preparing to fight. Twirling my daggers in my hands and smiling, I waved the nearest templar my way. He charged with a wordless cry, sword raised high. I deflected the blow with a wave of my blade. A clash of steel on steel. Piercing him easily in the neck with the other. Blood squirted like a fountain all over my arms.

"One." I called out. I heard two more voices echo that word.

I frowned as three more moved my way. One was Alrick. They spread out, trying to box me in.

My mouth stretched into a feral grin. They closed in slowly.

"We will bleed you for this, mage lover." The one in front of me hissed.

I leaned into a crouch. "I would love to see you try."

In one quick movement, I unlatched the miasma flask from my belt smashing it on the floor. A great black cloud billowed out. The closest one was coughing and sputtering. Slipping behind him I pulled the blade quickly across his throat. He gurgled collapsing to the ground. The other got his bearings, swinging his blade in a wide arc. I just barely missed the tip, my shirt however was not so lucky.

"Bastard! You ruined my shirt." I cried, outraged.

I lunged at the opening only to hit his shield. He swung again. Repelling the blow meant to take out my legs. I jumped twirling in the air and brought my daggers slashing down. They landed home, cleaving a portion of his head and neck from the rest of him. It killed him instantly. I turned just in time to dodge the blade of their leader. I pulled at my weapons only to find them lodged securely in the dead man's collarbone.

I heard him chuckle as I now found myself dagger less. Putting my hands carefully in the air I backed up. He slowed, making his way forward with a haunting gait, smiling gleefully at me.

"Not so dangerous without your blades are you." He chuckled. My eyes flicked to the others. Anders/Justice was casting spells on the group Fenris and Isabella were dispatching. They were occupied.

"Five" she shouted.

"Seven" the elf stated.

"That's not fair Anders helped with the last two." Fenris merely smiled.

My eyes shifting back to their almighty leader, "They can't help you now little girl."

I carefully knelt on the ground as if beseeching the great Sir Alrick. "Please sir," I pleaded putting my hands behind my back. Searching…

"That's right my dear. But kneeling won't help you now."

He bent over to grab me by the hair. I stood in one swift motion driving the knife into the gap in his armor. His mouth opened in a surprised "O".

"Next time just kill me, then talk." I growled.

Pulling the knife out I plunged it into his neck, watching as the light left his eyes. The body crumbled and I sheathed the knife. Going over to retrieve my blades I noticed the others finishing the last of them. After a few tugs I was able to dislodge my daggers. I was wiping the excess blood on the dead man's clothing just as Anders/Justice began to approach the Circle mage.

"They will die. I will have every last templar for these abuses." The deep voice yelled weaving his staff in the air.

I walked up slowly behind him, hoping I could get him to calm down.

"It's over Anders. They're all dead." I said soothingly.

He turned on me, his arm cutting the air. His eyes were completely engulfed with the pale blue light.

"Every one of them will feel Justices burn."

The young circle mage cowered. "Get away from me, demon." She shouted.

I groaned. Crap why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut.

He stalked towards her, his blue light highlighting her horrified face.

"I am no demon!" He roared. "Are you one of them, that you would call me such?"

"Anders that girl is a mage," I implored him. "We rescued her from being made tranquil."

His head twisted back. "She is theirs. I can feel their hold on her." Turning back to the young girl I could feel the fury building in the air making it hard to breath.

"She's the reason you're fighting Anders. Don't turn on her now." I demanded.

The magic swirled around him as he prepared the spell to kill her. She shrank to the ground begging for her life.

"Please Messere."

The pressure built and I didn't know what else to do. Just as I ran towards him, he stumbled back, the tension snapping, and suddenly Anders was back in control. He was shaking his head as he fell to his knees.

"Maker I almost… If you weren't here…" he said seeing me for the first time since we entered the cavern. There was something in his eyes, such pain and regret. I wanted to take that hurt away and tell him it was ok. I went towards him.

"I need to get out of here." And he stood, running right past me, leaving me behind.

I heaved a sigh.

"So…" Isabella sauntered towards me. "How many did you get Hawke?"

Trying to let go of the rejection I felt for some reason, I smiled sadly. "Four. You both beat me this time." Then I thought of something. "Do I get extra for killing Alrick?"

She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "He still only counts as one."

I pouted placing my daggers back in their sheaths "We need to get out of here. I want to make sure Anders is ok."

"Yes of course, run to the abomination because he showed so much regard for your well being." Fenris remarked snidely.

I gave him a look, "And I suppose you would be so different."

"I….." he shook his head violently. "He will get you killed or better yet do it himself."

I stared at him, and he stared coldly back. So much hate there was in those eyes, so much malice. I could return the favor.

"And I would rather die by his hands any day over being stuck for a life time with you." I spat at him.

He jerked as if I'd smacked him.

"Children, Children." Isabella chided, "As much as I'm enjoying this, I do think it best that we leave now."

I stalked off, going back the way we came. I didn't bother to glance back, they would follow. Annoying stupid elf. My hands balled into fists. I wanted very badly to hit something. I reached the entrance finding the young female mage waiting for me.

I jerked my head at her, "Go, get out of here. Find your mother and leave Kirkwall. It's not safe here anymore."

She ran off.

I heard Fenris's growl of disapproval. I turned on him pointing a finger in his face.

"And I don't need any criticisms from the peanut gallery. If you don't like being with me, then leave."

A small part of me waited with baited breath for his decision. His green eyes bored into mine, searching for something. Andraste, he was beautiful. My heart skipped a beat as he stood there only a foot from me. He shifted on his feet but didn't move.

"Fine. Stay. Drive me insane." I groaned, turning and striding quickly towards Hightown. Isabella was laughing uproariously behind me.

"You two should just take a roll in the sack to ease the tension, you know. It always works for me," she suggested.

I smiled to myself, glad they couldn't see my reaction. She always had a way of diffusing the hostility and also instigating it. A bit of a double edged sword she was.

"Isabella, I don't…roll in the sack. I have enough conflict in my life without adding to it with love triangles."

There was a lilt in her voice when she replied, "Are you so sure it hasn't happened already?"

I turned, stopping in my tracks. "What are you talking about?"

She shrugged, giving the look that meant everything and nothing. My eyes flicked to Fenris. He was deep in thought, but the anger remained just beneath the surface as it often did with him. My eyes flicked back to hers and she smiled, winking at me.

Rolling my eyes I turned back around. Pain in the ass!

**A/N: **_That's it for this chapter. Hope it was enjoyable. Follow if you liked it, review if you really liked it. I love reading your comments. More coming soon…. _


	3. Chapter 3: Swing life Away

_**So this chapter turned into something I didn't expect….Enjoy anyway!**_

Chapter 3: Swing life away

I leaned back in my chair listening to Fenris speak. I never realized just how wonderful his voice was, rubbing along my skin like velvet until all I could think about was keeping him talking. And I did. My dislike for him had colored over everything for so long, hiding what was amiable so all I could see was the darkness, the beast in him. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was just my desire to get to know him more but we talked without bickering for longer than I can remember and it was….nice, but that one word seemed inadequate. We flirted, we stared at each other, we shared stories and I could see that maybe I had been too quick to judge. I never really thought myself as a prejudice person. I mean, live and let live was my mentality, but somehow being with him made me notice all the flaws in my logic. Pushing me to the limits of my beliefs and then over the edge of my tolerance. So there it was, I was prejudice, sad but true.

He told me the reason why he ran from Denarius, why he finally tried to break free. It was hard for me to imagine what that life would have been like, caring only for your master's comfort and never for your own. Being treated like trash on a daily basis, every night going to sleep knowing you would wake only to endure it again, day after day. Even my initial year that I had spent working off my debt did not compare. If I didn't like the job, I didn't do it, as simple as that. The frame of mind of being helpless was foreign to me. But I guess if that life was all you knew you didn't question it.

He tilted his head back taking another drink from his last bottle of Aggregio. He was scowling again but not at me, but more about not comprehending how he felt. I could see the confusion in him, trying to understand something, but what I didn't know. It wasn't until he spoke again that it dawned on me he was actually thinking about me, and not at all in an angry way.

"I've never spoken about what happened with anyone. I've never wanted to." Then he smirked, "You and I don't always agree but…."

I opened my mouth and almost said, that's the understatement of the year, but decided it best I keep that comment to myself. See, who says I have no self control?

Instead I gave him an alluring smile, "But?"

"I…" he hesitated, "have never allowed anyone to close. When my markings were created the pain was…" he glanced down at the brands on his arms, eyes distant with the agony, "extraordinary. And the memory lingers."

His eyes shifted back to me, staring. There was a weight to that gaze, heavy and unyielding, daring me to give in. "But you are unlike anyone woman I have met. With you it might be different."

I think I stopped breathing for a moment as I processed this last bit. The thought had never actually occurred to me that the unexplainable need I had to be around him might actually be returned. I mean, with all the hate filled stares and horrible words we've said to each other how could it ever come to this? I wanted him, sure, maybe even felt something more, but…. Oh Maker, and I told him he was the last man on Thedas I would ever want to be with. I said it and meant it at the time, but now…..

"Are you saying what I think your saying?" I asked.

He glanced away and a haze of pink crept up his cheeks. "If there was someone before, I have no memory of it."

Holy crap, he was blushing. He was actually embarrassed. This was something I never thought to see.

"There was no one after you escaped, even?"

He regained his composure and the brooding mask was back in place.

"I stayed nowhere for long. Who would I trust?" He looked away again. "I didn't think I needed anyone, or wanted anyone." His green eyes locked with mine and a devious smile crept over his lips, "Until now."

I replied without thinking, voice laced with desire. "We could find out."

His smirk only became more defined. "On another evening, perhaps." He raised his bottle of wine before I could reply, "A last toast then, to the fallen."

I wasn't long after that I left, unable to take the sexual potential in the room that only seemed to be growing. It was sad in a way that nothing was going to happen. I asked for his help with a problem to be taken care of on the Wounded Coast and told him to meet me at the Hanged Man in an hour.

The sun was high in the sky, beating on my neck. I could feel the sweat trickle down my spine. My hair whipped behind me in the wind as I made my way to Lowtown. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice the dark figure come up behind me. An arm locked around my neck and dragged me into the nearby alley I had just passed. Choking on my own scream I lashed out, my fist coming him contact with his groin. I winced at the sudden pain of hitting the metal plating. There was a muffled groan and I was thrown against the wall, instantly covered with his body.

Had I not glimpsed the green eyes and white hair underneath the hood I might have fought back. As it was, I did not. The length of his body pinned me against the wall, his breath hot, next to my ear.

"Fenris," I whispered, "What are you doing?"

He lowered his lips to my neck, nose buried in my hair. I felt him breathe me in deeply, taking in my scent. His hands glided up my waist and slid around my back just before reaching my breasts. I bit my lower lip as a soft moan left my lips unexpectedly.

"I had to know." Was all he whispered in my ear.

"Know what?" I asked, breath hitching in my throat. I reached up to touch the lirum laced skin that was hidden under all that black armor. Suddenly, he just wasn't there but gliding away with that elven grace down the street. I let my head thud against the wall behind me. Seriously….he taunts me then leaves. Control freak! We were so going to need to have a talk about his etiquette.

Sighing in frustration I left the alley behind and continued my trek down to the Hanged Man.

I entered, pausing inside the doorway for a moment to let my eyes adjust to the sudden dimness of the tavern. Walking over to Varric's table I joined the dwarf and pirate, grateful the elf had yet to come, and sat with a thump in a seat.

"So, how did it go?" Isabella asked referring to the conversation I had with Fenris. She left just as I was walking in.

My head lulled to the side, giving her a look.

She chuckled, "That well, huh."

I straightened. "Actually it went fine. Better then fine, "I amended, "It went great."

Her eyebrows rose, "Really? Did you finally release that tension?"

I raised an eyebrow. "No. Although after the frisk I just received in the alley that answer may change."

Varric leaned in, "Oh, and here I thought you had eyes only for Anders? You sure do hide it well."

Crap. I'd completely forgotten about him. How had I done that? Especially after what happened down in the dungeons, I needed to go see him. Now.

I stood abruptly. "I need to go." Turning to leave I remembered, "Fenris will be coming by soon. We need to go to take care of some business on the Wounded Coast. All of us."

Isabella was smiling. "Sure, anything you say Hawke. I'll make sure I entertain Fenris for you."

I paused. There was something in the way she said it that sent the jealousy roaring like a beast through me. It must have shown on my face because she cocked her head to the side deciphering the reason for my sudden coldness.

"You truly like him, don't you?" I refused to respond but stood glaring, "You may even love him", she continued.

""No I don't" I replied insolently but even I could hear the lie in those words.

A smile blossomed on her face. "Yes you do. You love him."

I rolled my eyes. If she started shouting Hawke loves Fenris I was going to punch her. Thankfully she knew better than to push me that far.

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

I glanced over at Varric who put his hands in the air in mock surrender. "I make no such promises but I will do my best."

I frowned but let it go. It was likely the best I was going to get from him. "Please…. just don't say anything. I'm still trying to figure out how I managed to twist myself up in this as it is."

They both nodded their assent.

I let out a breath, "Ok, I'll see you shortly."

"Do hurry back. I can't wait to see how this works out." Isabella called after me as I was leaving.

I huffed, but chose not to respond. Skipping down the stairs and hurrying out the door I ran into someone coming in at the same time. I touched the shoulder without thinking to mumble my apology. The hood was pushed back to reveal Fenris's white hair. His eyes looked down at my hand, staring at my offending fingers. I pulled them back and suddenly was at a loss for anything to say.

"I'll be right back" I muttered in way of an excuse to get the hell out of there. I felt him watch me go and was half tempted to turn around and see for myself. Instead I kept walking, trying to figure out how I had gotten myself in this predicament in the first place.

I arrived at Anders clinic having come to no conclusion on the way. The guilt washed over me at having left him all alone for the last few days. I'd seen him only briefly to give him Sir Alrick's paper but after that I let him be. I've never been good sympathy or tears. I never know the right thing to say to make it right or better, my words always tend to ring hollow in my ears.

He was bending over to put out what looked like a bowl of milk.

"What are you doing?" I asked with curiosity.

"Putting out milk. I miss having a cat around. I think the refugees have scared them all off….or maybe eaten them." He said smiling. "You know I've been meaning to thank you. You don't need to stick your neck out for the mages here, but you have. It takes courage to step into the line of fire."

I smiled back. "It would kill me to see the templars lock you up."

He gave me a pained look. I instantly felt bad. I wasn't trying to taunt him incessantly but I guess even with my best intentions my thoughts always betrayed me.

"I've tried to hold back. You saw what I almost did to that girl. You've seen what I am. But I'm still a man. You can't tease me like this and expect me to resist forever."

I stepped up close to him, our bodies almost touching. I was going to say it. I really shouldn't say it. I should just shut my mouth right now but…..it was just too easy. "How long would it take before I drive you mad?" I jeered. Ah Crap! I really needed to get a filter to stop my thoughts from coming right out my mouth, that or something to clamp it shut.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment, looking down at me with the eyes of a drowning man. Closing the last bit of distance between us he pulled me to him, his mouth quickly claiming mine for his own. His lips were soft, his mouth tasting faintly of the mint leaves he often chewed. He became more insistent, lips pressing harder against mine, his hands trailing up and down my waist. I opened to him, he moaned softly as his tongue darted in to mingle with my own. He pulled away from me suddenly leaving me breathless and unsteady on my feet.

"This will be a disaster. But I can't live without it. We could die tomorrow. I don't want it to be before I tell you how I feel."

I was grinning at him, for all the world like the cat that ate the canary. "Ooooh, Is it in verse? I hope it's in verse."

His expression became pained again. Why was he always so serious? "I thought with Justice this part of me was over. I can't give you a normal life. If you're with me, we will be hunted, hated, the whole world will be against us. If your door is open tonight I will come to you. If not, I'll know you took my warning at last."

He turned from me as the door to his clinic banged open and a couple rushed in with a child limp in their arms. He left me standing there, my mind in chaos as so many emotions ran rampant within me. I left quietly letting him do the job he did so well, walking through Darktown without a sound, at a complete loss of what to do.

Anders was passionate and kind. His fervent belief that someday mages could be free left me with hope in my heart. It was what I wanted as well for my sister so that she could live a life unmolested. He gave without thinking, did without having to be asked, his only flaw being the spirit of justice that lived within him. I never thought to find myself caught between two men. Both were exact opposites of each other but both had qualities that would make my life interesting and fun. My fingers lingered on my kiss swollen lips. Once I realized I was doing it I stopped but once my mind wondered elsewhere I did it again without thinking. My feet came to a stop in front of the Hanged Man. I stared up at the figurine above the tavern trying to figure out how a got there without even paying attention to where I was going. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I entered the bar.

Making my way to Varric's table I quietly sat down, pint already in hand.

Isabella was hanging all over Fenris which he was studiously ignoring. Varric was shuffling cards doing his best not to pay attention.

"Hawke" the pirate said, "You're back"

I glanced up at her again and put my hand down from touching my lips. She was giving me the most calculating look. She then frowned sadly.

Varric laughed abruptly, "I think you owe me five sovereigns, Rivani."

She was pouting, trailing a finger down Fenris's arm. "I think your right. Damn, and I was so sure. Well I can still win it back. That was too quick to be much else."

Varric huffed, "Oh I doubt that will happen. But I suppose we will see."

The elf looked annoyed. "What are you two carrying on about?"

I looked at them both sharply.

"Oh nothing that needs to concern you." She mocked.

Varric looked at my mug questioningly. "So are we going or are we staying?"

I sighed forlornly. "We're going. Then I need to take a cold bath."

Isabella giggled. "Why? But the fun is just beginning."

"Fun for who exactly, you? Because this is certainly not fun for me."

She snuck a look at Fenris who was now staring at me intently. "Oh it will be soon, I only wish I could join in your little soiree."

I looked at her alluringly, "You only wish. Why not do?"

Her eyebrows rose, "Is that an invitation?"

I grinned at her and winked. Her eyes narrowed, "You're such a tease."

I laughed as I stood up. "I learned from the best."

She snorted picking up her blades, "So you did Hawke, so you did."

**A/N:** _So what will happen next….We shall see. Enjoy the wait. Follow if you liked it, Review if you really liked it. Reviews will sway my thinking so unleash your comments. _


	4. Chapter 4: Round and Around and Around

**Sorry for the wait. Enjoy!**

Chapter 4: Round and Around and Around We Go

He was kneeling over the man, his face twisted with hate. "You chose the wrong master." He growled.

With a quick jerk it was over. The last of the slavers was dead.

He stood up, eyes locking with mine. "Hadriana." And that one word held such disgust, loathing, and ferocity that it made me wish to never be the on the receiving end of the coming storm he would soon unleash.

His jaw clenched and I could feel the tension building, his whole demeanor changed in a matter of minutes. There had been good natured teasing between the four of them only moments ago as they walked up the wounded coast, and now that moment was gone, destroyed.

"I was a fool to think I was free. They will never let me be." His voice rumbled like thunder.

"Is this someone you know?" I asked tentatively.

"My old masters apprentice. I remember her well." He became stiff and unyielding before my eyes, clutching his sword as if it were the last real thing on earth. There was more to this than just being his master's apprentice. You never grow to hate someone so much without being tortured in some way.

"She's a sniveling social climber who would sell her own children if she thought it would please Denarius. If she's here it's at his bidding. I knew he wouldn't let this go."

I nodded, trying my best to think of the words that would enrage him the least. "We will go, but first we need to go back and resupply and take care of Varric's wound before it festers."

He nodded in acceptance, but there was something in the way he held himself that screamed his disapproval. The way his eyes watched me as I moved away from him, like a predator studying its prey, waiting for the right moment to attack. It was both arousing and alarming. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end in warning. I wanted to tell him I'm sorry, to somehow explain myself for not leaving right now, but I didn't. He turned and left. I watched him walk away, took a deep steading breath and followed.

He stalked his way ahead of me, his broad sword still held firmly in his hands. There was something in the way he moved. I could watch him forever and never grow bored. I was drawn to him, as if it was some force I could not fight, that I didn't want to deny. But we both seemed to be dancing this fine line between friendship and something more. He always held back, unwilling to cave. So we continued to swing in a circle of our own making neither willing to be the first to give in. I snorted to myself. I guess tenacious was an apt description.

We walked back slowly as Varric insisted on walking himself. He ambled next to us, favoring his right leg, wincing with every step. The sounds of the waves hitting the cliffs of the coast were soothing, and it made me wish for a moment that I could go jump in. The water would be nice and warm this time of year. I watched forlornly as the foamy waves crash on the shore, the sea breeze cooled the sheen of sweat on my skin and I took a deep breath holding it in my lungs. Isabella sauntered up next to me.

"I know exactly how you feel. I miss the ocean every day and my ship even more."

Watching the rolling waves I replied. "In Ferelden there was a lake not too far from my home. I used to go swimming in it almost daily. My father would complain that I was more a fish than a human." I smiled at the memory. "I miss those days, life was so carefree. I hope it will be that way again someday."

Isabella put her arm around me. "It will, as long as you believe it will. On that day we can all bask in the sun and enjoy the fruits of our labor.

I sighed, "Sometimes I feel like I am in an endless circle, fighting the same battles again and again. It's…exhausting. I'm in some desperate need of fun. Someday soon we will all need to take a break, climb down to the beach and go swimming."

The dwarf muttered, "I don't swim but I'll gladly watch you two strip down to your skimpys to do so."

The pirate faked a shocked expression. "Why Varric, whatever would Bianca say?"

He caressed his crossbow, limping slightly as he walked. "Oh she won't mind, she'll enjoy the show too."

I giggled, "One of these days we will find a real woman for you Varric, not a piece of wood and steel."

He cradled the crossbow in his hands, shifting it away from me, mumbling softly to it. "Don't worry baby, you're the only one for me."

Isabella and I both started cracking up, leaning on each other. We caught up with the elf, or he slowed his pace. Either way I spared Fernis a quick look from the side. The elf seemed lost, like a little boy suddenly unsure of the world and his place in it. My laughter died quickly in my throat as I watched him walk down the coast in lonely silence, unaware of our playful banter. The pirate nudged me.

"What?" I murmured.

She whispered, "Talk to him. I'll take care of Varric. Just don't get too far ahead."

I frowned, "I don't know what to say, I'm no good at these things."

She rolled her eyes, "For someone that has no problem flaunting yourself you really don't have a clue what to do with the ones you really like. You do it well enough with everyone else."

I peak over at the elf to find him studying me intently as he walked. There was heat in that gaze, a need that screamed for fulfillment. I blushed suddenly and turned away. God what was wrong with me? I bit my lower lip in consternation, only to hear Isabella snicker at my reaction.

She was right, as much as I hated to admit it. I did not possess the sexual prowess she could own to, or at least not with Fenris. He always had a way of disarming me in the most unsuspecting ways and it made being around him tense and often uncomfortable, unless we were fighting then it was easy and fun. Crap, I really needed to get a better hobby.

Perhaps if I were more experienced with where this would eventually go it would be different, but I wasn't. There had been no one before we were orphaned in Kirkwall. I just never found any man all that worthy of my interest. I had a few friends but nothing on a deeper level. There were plenty who tried to gain my attention and many male friends that I suspect who probably had that design as well but I never noticed or just ignored it all together. I'd mastered the ability to be coy with men. I always thought there would be that one person who I would have an instant connection with, that electrifying, skin tingling, heart pounding jolt that was our souls connecting. Love at first sight or something like that, but it didn't happen that way. I never thought I would grow to love someone I initially hated or care so much for another at the very same time. And I did hate him when I first met him. I much preferred Anders company to the elf's and the mage seemed happy to have me near him. I was unaware as it snuck up on me like some deadly assassin, clouding my thoughts, beating on my mind, taking away all other cares in the world until all could see was the two of them before me….waiting.

Isabella had fallen back, leaving me alone as I shuffled along towards Kirkwall. I heard her whispering to Varric but couldn't make out the words. I peered through my fallen hair at the elf as he walked quietly some distance to my side. A cold sweat started on my lower back as my heart beat began to pick up. I slowly walked over to him, giving him plenty of time to blow me off. He didn't. I got closer and his eyes flicked over at me, watching me warily.

"Why have you never mentioned Hadrianna before? Didn't you foresee this happening?"

He stiffened, his lips hardening into a thin line. "I never assumed she would come by herself. She…"he looked at the ground as a faint shudder rippled through his body. He didn't continue. So we walked on in uncomfortable silence for what seemed like an eternity but in reality couldn't have been more than a few minutes.

"It gets easier to bear if you share the burden." I said hesitantly, unable to take the silence anymore.

His eyes narrowed, "And why would you care about someone such as me? I am no one."

There was a world of emotion contained in those last four words. It also contained something else I didn't expect from him, an absolute belief that what he said was true.

_Oh Fenris, what have you endured to make you believe that_. The pain of my thought must have shown on my face because his entire demeanor changed in a matter of seconds and he was angry once again.

"I don't want your pity, Hawke" he practically spit in my face. "I am depraved and sadistic. I will only hurt you. I deserve no mercy for what I've done and no sympathy from someone like you."

"But you aren't any of those things don't you see that?" I implored. I reached to grab his hand and he jerked out of my grasp.

"Don't touch me." He snapped.

I frowned, "You are so much more than what you see in the mirror. You care about our little group despite pushing us all away. You give to the weak and downtrodden when you think the rest of us aren't watching. You do your best for us when you don't have to. How do you not see any of that?"

He shook his head and remained silent.

"Someday you'll see it." _I pray that you'll see it_, I added silently to myself.

We walked on quietly together all the way back to Kirkwall. By the time we reached the Hanged Man the dwarf looked ready to collapse. He made it to his room and fell in his chair next to the fire. Varric refused to go see Anders stating he had some better potions that would make short work of his flesh wound. I just rolled my eyes at him knowing the true reason would soon make her way into the room.

He could barely walk for the pain, not to mention the blood loss he had incurred on the way back. It was a wonder he was conscious at all. Two servants brushed passed us asking him what he needed. He pointed to the drawer where his flasks were held and they carefully picked through his collection before eventually finding the right one and bringing it to him. The owner walked in, an older, plump little woman by the name of Mahina. She looked like every child's favorite grandmother, with her humorous smile and her inviting features. But behind it all was a high intellect, a sharp wit and even sharper tongue. I knew he enjoyed her company as they would often argue with each other only to fall over laughing at some point. Varric looked up at the older woman, chuckling at her disapproving look. She shook her head at him and started ripping open the pant leg ignoring the small yelps of pain from him as she did so. The two servants shooed us out of the room so they could tend to him. We left knowing full well that the owner wouldn't let him die for the sheer fact that he brought in more than half of the revenue for the place, what with our group always drinking there and the crowds his story telling would draw.

After much deliberating between the three of us we decided to go get Anders to avoid any further distractions. That of course did not go over well with Fenris but a healer was definitely useful if not necessary for this fight.

Anders smirked at me as he grabbed his things, twirling his staff in the air as he walked towards the three of us. I didn't know it but my face was split with an ear to ear grin as I watched him pull his hair back, expanding his chest and showing off the muscles in his arms. I felt the muscles deep within me tighten and a dull ache starting with yet another need that would go unfulfilled for the time being. The things he could do to me by just standing there looking delicious. I felt the flame creep up my cheeks only to turn away and come face to face with Fenris.

His look was contemptuous, but beneath a carnal desire burned deep within his eyes. I looked up through my lashes at him, reaching up to caress his face knowing he would evade the contact. He did not disappoint. I sighed and rolled my eyes. He made no sense. I couldn't flirt with anyone else without provoking a rather unpleasant reaction yet if I made a move to touch him he would avoid it. Everything was on his terms, not mine. It was irritating and I was done being his pawn. Two could play at that game.

I brushed past him close enough that the back of our hands made contact. Nothing but a faint caress of knuckles but enough that I knew it irritated him.

"Well, let's go take out this uppity bitch, shall we." I said to the three of them, "Unless of course you prefer to wait for her next attack?" I directed at Fernis.

He turned to me, green eyes smoldering, "I don't want to wait."

Something in his voice made me think he was not just referring to Hadriana. I cocked an eyebrow.

"Then by all means lead the way. The sooner we take care of this the sooner we can move on to more…. amusing things."

Anders chimed in, unaware of the undercurrent to the elf's words. "I much look forward to the…amusing things."

I flashed him a smile only to watch Fenris's eyes narrow again and regard me coolly.

I wanted to laugh but wisely bit my lip instead. Well, at least this journey would be anything but dull. I turned, following Fenris as he strode off in all of his flaming rage towards the edge of Dark Town, listening to Isabella's jingling laughter echo off the walls.

_**A/N: **__That's it for this chapter. Sorry again for the wait but this one was a pain to write. So many drafts and I'm still not completely pleased with it but want to move on. So here's the deal….Next chapter will either begin during bitter pill or begin at its conclusion. There are pros and cons to both. I do like writing banter but then of course its delving into this scene again. This will be completel_y up to you_. I have written this battle before and its hard to write it again and make it different since we all know the outcome so I will leave that up to you. Since many of you have read the previous story or any of the mirade of those on here I would like feedback. Majority rules on this so please sound off. With that said follow, fav and review, until next time…._


	5. Chapter 5: The Long Road Home

Chapter 5: The Long Road Home

The sun was setting along the coast flashing brilliant pinks and reds and oranges to mingle with the darkening blue sky as this horrible day was finally coming to an end. Holy Hell I needed a drink. No, I amended to myself, more like an entire bottle. I could feel his eyes on my body, watching my every move as he had been since we left the cave. Isabella walked some distance ahead, rambling on about her life on the sea, her beautiful but now shipwrecked boat, and some pirate named Licker. I gathered from the wistful sound of her voice that this was a nickname she'd given him and someone she missed.

"I thought you didn't love or care about anyone in that way?" I jested, trying to brighten my now sour mood.

She glanced back and said, "Who said anything about love? That man had a tongue that could…." And she shivered, a moan started low in her throat. "He could lick and suck and torture me until I was begging for him to finish the job. He would bring me so close only to stop right before I came, reading my body better than he could the sea. I can almost come just from thinking about him licking my pussy. Maker, I miss his mouth, not to mention his cock." She added as an afterthought.

"Isabella! " I admonished, feeling the flush of embarrassment creep up my face.

"What?" she asked, her voice inflected with mock innocence

"You're so raunchy."

She smiled her devilish little smile back at me.

"That's what happens when you're on the sea with a bunch of men whose only descriptive words of the female and male anatomy is tits, ass, cock and pussy."

I laughed half heartedly and shook my head.

"Well I did take your mind off the elf didn't it?"

My smile vanished and I looked at my feet, remembering our last encounter after he ripped out Hadriana's heart

"_I need to go." _His anger was the only thing he was holding onto. Too far lost in the dark recesses of his own mind to realize what he was saying. He glared at Anders before locking his eyes with mine. "_Enjoy your mage," he hissed,_ "_I hope his corruption kills you both."_

And he was gone…

The sting of those words still jarred me. I felt lost and confused. How had this ended so badly? Oh wait, I knew why. The answer was walking right beside me.

Why Anders had goaded him on the whole trip I didn't know. Why he chose to keep making not so indiscreet comments about our supposed rendezvous or touch me in intimate ways while in the elf's presence just floored me. I'd never seen him so cruel just because he wanted Fenris gone. Maybe it was a male ego thing or maybe I was seeing a new side to him but whatever it was, it made me sick to my stomach. It also made me wonder if he would ever direct that nastiness at me.

_Anders was standing next to me watching the elf pace back and forth while Isabella searched the room. I was rubbing my neck again unconsciously trying to ignore the nagging sensation that this was not going to end well. You think I would have learned to trust my instincts by now._

_The mage moved a few steps to his left and stood very close behind me. I could feel the heat of his body radiate against mine. His hands wandered up the base of my spine, his thumbs pressing up along shoulder blades as his fingers began to gently knead the base of my neck. My eyes closed and I leaned into him, surrendering to the feel of my muscles unknotting. I didn't even care when I realized the elf's pacing had stopped and wondered rather belatedly if he was staring at us._

_He must have been because Anders broke the silence._

"_Enjoying the show?" he asked with loathing. He didn't wait for an answer though._

"_You know Fenris, it's amazing Denarius put up with you as long as he did. You must have been an awful slave because you're an even worse companion."_

_I opened my eyes. Where the hell was this coming from?_

_The elf's head snapped up at attention. I heard Isabella's low groan of annoyance as she continued to tinker with one of the chests. _

"_You would do well to hold your tongue abomination or you will find it missing soon." Fenris's words were barely audible but the warning was clear enough._

_Anders voice turned ugly. I did not have to turn around to know he was sneering, "You will not even get close. If you do, Hawke would kill you."_

_Great! Now he's dragging me into this. I could feel the fire of the elf's penetrating gaze as he watched Anders continue his massaging trek across my shoulders. I was suddenly uncomfortable which was rare. I didn't understand why all the sudden it bothered me that he was mad. Not too long ago I would have egged him on. _

_Dispelling my thoughts I quickly stepped away from Anders and frowned at them both, crossing my arms under my chest. Both watched me patiently and waited for me to respond. I stubbornly kept silent. _

"_Is that what you would do Hawke? Would you kill me?" he mocked._

_I grimaced. "Let's please not test the theory, hmmm?"_

_His eyes narrowed. "I guess I was mistaken about you then because I could never hurt you."_

_I stilled, shocked by his sudden admission. I cocked my head to the side as I studied his expression. There was a tenseness in his jaw as he stared at me. I was unable to look away, transfixed by his angry dark green eyes. _

"_I don't want to fight." I whispered._

_He scowled, "But you would?"_

_I dropped my arms to my sides as I rolled my eyes and my head at the same time, annoyed that this conversation was continuing._

_I shrugged, "Yeah I would if you attacked him."_

_His lip curled in disgust _

"_He is an abomination. He will turn on us all someday. He will be unable to help it."_

_I raised my hands up in the air in exasperation and turned away before I answered. I felt my anger respond. I grasped unto it, grateful for its warm embrace. _

"_Fine! Whatever! I don't care. I will cross that bridge when I get there Fenris. But right now he has done nothing so just Drop It!"_

_I heard Anders chuckle under his breath._

_I turned and walked up to him. Pointing my finger in his face I hissed, "You. Don't press your luck."_

_He raised his hands, "I didn't do anything."_

"_Not yet," was the elf's only words._

_Oh my fucking god. I was going to whack someone soon._

_I closed my eyes, "Just go away. Just go away. Please just go away."_

"_She's talking to you elf," came Anders clipped response._

_I sighed. I was talking to both of them but whatever. If it would make them stop then fine._

_I opened my eyes and let out a breath. Fenris's gaze had softened considerably, hurt by my request. I forgot how to breathe. He looked so vulnerable in that one instant._

"_I'm sorry. My intentions were not malicious. I just…" and he stopped midsentence, unable to articulate any further._

_The mage laughed abruptly, "You can't be serious? You have feelings for her, don't you?"_

_I gave Anders a dirty look._

_He laughed even louder._

"_Oh this is precious" he cackled. "The escaped slave…." He paused and his face turned ugly, "in love." Those two words were filled with so much scorn that I had the sudden desire to hit him. _

_Fenris's eyes darkened, his wrath was like a beast hovering just underneath the surface carefully controlled only by pure stubbornness. _

_Anders laughter died instantly leaving him looking both cruel and hateful. "Pathetic."_

_I stood, rooted to the spot at a total loss for words as I stared at Anders in mute horror. I kept hoping for a peek of Justice in his eyes, anything that would explain this vindictive treatment. _

_I was saved from having to respond when Isabella walked up to the mage coming between the two of us and gave him an appraising look. It was followed by a loud smack of meat hitting meat as her fist connected with his jaw. He stumbled back clutching his chin and blinking widely._

_I frowned but was pleased someone had done it. Isabella turned on her heal and grinned. "That's how its done, love." She said to me and continued on her way. Fenris turned to follow, scowling more than ever, and left me behind with Anders. _

"_What is with you? " I growled, "Do not do that to me again." _

_And I too walked away before he had a chance to respond._

It was a few moments after that that we found Hadriana, and more easily than I thought, took her out. He had yelled at me quite a bit after that. His anger had got the better of him again. I wasn't surprised but I didn't quip at him like normal. As it was he stormed off anyway with a hurtful jab before leaving.

A harsh snap of a branch right behind me broke me from my thoughts. He was well within my personal space now, matching his step with mine on the edge of my peripheral vision. I ignored him, still angry at his viciousness. I reached up rubbing the side of my neck again, trying to release the tension that had rebuilt there during the return trip. It was a mistake to bring him. Being put in the middle of their arguments like that had made everything escalate as all of our emotions ran high. Not that I wasn't accustomed to arguing with Fenris but somehow it seemed to sting more than normal, watching him leave me like that. I wondered if he was gone for good or just brooding in his borrowed mansion. I would have to find out. I still wanted to give him this book not that it would make any difference. It was just another excuse to go see him.

I frowned, remembering his tortured look when he said he would never hurt me. It was as if he both hated that he said it, but relieved that he admitted it. I rubbed my eyes, only to relieve the aching tiredness that existed just behind my lids. I couldn't handle this much emotional drama all in one day. I was spent.

The sun was behind the horizon now and the sky was suddenly dark, all of its rainbows of colors now gone to blackness much like my mood.

"Hawke?" came Anders tentative voice.

"What" I snapped, not bothering to look at him.

His voice came uncertain to my ears. "I would still like to see you tonight. If that's an option?"

I closed my eyes and let out my breath. I really didn't want to see anyone now. My energy had left me as the sun set and all I could think about now was sinking into my bed and falling into a coma-like sleep.

I dropped my eyes to the ground and I could see his feet trailing beside me.

"I can't, not now. I'm exhausted Anders."

His face dropped when I peeked up at him.

"Oh." I could hear a mountain of pain in the one word. I almost stopped, wanting to raise my hand to his face and reassure him. Tell him I still wanted him but right now I was the furthest thing possible from turned on. So I kept walking and the silence stretched between us until we arrived back in Kirkwall.

He said not a word as he went off in the direction of Darktown, shoulders slumped in defeat, leaving me with Isabella.

She watched the mage's descent down the stairs before commenting.

"He looks like an abused puppy. What the hell did you say to him?"

I shook my head. "I just turned him down is all."

She raised her eyebrows at me and smirked. "Waiting for someone else are we?"

I looked at her questioningly.

"Fenris." She said as if the answer were obvious.

I shook my head again. "No. I'd be surprised if he were still in Kirkwall."

She rolled her eyes at me as if I was an idiot. Perhaps I was.

"You know nothing of men, Hawke."

I cocked a hip, "This coming from the local sexpert."

She raised her eyes to the Blooming Rose across from us.

"Well someone has to get some ass in this group." She said grinning like a Cheshire cat. "We can't all wait around for you. Sorry love, you had your chance."

I smiled wanly back. "By all means, go enjoy yourself. Don't let me hold you up."

She flashed me another smile and hopped off to the Rose.

I sighed at her retreating form and shuffled my way back home.

I walked in and closed the door quietly behind me. I expected to hear my servants greeting me or my mother saying hello. But they were all conspicuously absent. I entered the main hall with a frown on my face to find the reason of their absence sitting on the bench of to one side of the room.

He was bent over, leaning on his knees. He looked up when I entered and a look of uncertainty flashed across his features. Interesting, I thought, I've never seen him unsure of himself before. I wonder what he's thinking. I stood my ground and waited. Perhaps he was coming to apologize. That would be a first. Or perhaps he was coming for something more….amusing? Riiight, when men fall from the sky. I sighed to myself. A girl can dream can't she?

**A/N: **_Yea….some good stuff coming up next __. Hope you all liked it. Review and let me know what you think of the story so far, I like reading your comments. Keep Following. Until next time_

PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL


	6. Chapter 6: Stay

Chapter 6: Stay

He stood up looking everywhere but in my eyes. He said nothing as if waiting for me to start. Ha! He would be waiting a long time if that was the case. He opened his mouth to say something then hesitated, after a few moments he started again.

"I've been thinking about what happened with Hadriana. You and I don't always see eye to eye but that doesn't mean you deserved my anger. I owe you an apology"

I wondered what he was really going to say because I had a feeling that wasn't it. I scowled and crossed my arms. I snapped at him without thinking and all the underlying resentment lashed out.

"That's it! Just an apology?"

Inside I cringed. I hadn't meant those words to come out so ugly. But I was angry. Maybe it was the years of his nasty little remarks trying to provoke a reaction from me, or maybe I'd just had enough of these little earthquakes. Knowing already what the next conversation was going to turn into, I danced that line with delicate precision and pain.

His eyes clouded over and he shifted uneasily, not sure what to do. He glanced at my face then looked away again before he spoke his next words.

"If you wish I can go. You need not see me again."

My anger instantly subdued. _Oh Fenris…..That is that exact opposite of what I want and yet….and yet…. _But the words never left my mouth. I wanted to reach out to him so badly, to take away that hurt look on his face, to make him realize things weren't the way…not anymore.

But all I could manage to say was, "What I want to know is what happened in there?"

He walked a few steps away as he began his reasoning.

"I needed to be alone. When I was still a slave Hadriana was a torment. She would ridicule me, deny my meals, and hound my sleep. Because of her status I was powerless to respond…."

He came back to look me straight in the face, his features twisted into something unrecognizable. "And she knew it." He glanced away again trying to calm himself. "The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now…I couldn't let her go. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

I agreed with killing her. Hell, I was happy she was dead, but the way he had done it bothered me. I understood it to a certain extent but to promise her freedom and then to take it away just seemed…..I don't know…..cruel. It was a side of him I didn't like seeing.

"Admit it. You just wanted to kill her."

He stilled, locking eyes with mine. I watched as the anger built until it finally burst from his mouth in a spew of hostility and viciousness.

"And what would you have me do? Hadriana came after me! I have never had the option to simply walk away! Am I supposed to forgive no matter how many times they hunt me down! Am I supposed to forget all the things they've done to me!"

I sighed, thoroughly disgusted with this whole fiasco now, "You may not wear chains anymore, but you're not free."

"You know nothing of being a slave!"

I jumped at the hostility in those words but otherwise remained silent. He walked away again trying to calm himself down before coming back to stand in front of me again. I narrowed my eyes now suspicious of his intent. But he remained impassive and mute staring at his hands and his arms like they were foreign and completely repulsive. His lips curled in loathing.

"It's a sickness this hate, this dark growth inside me that I can't ever get rid of and they put it there." His hands dropped to his sides and he let out a long sigh. "This isn't why I came here."

I debated on what to say next. A part of me was itching for a fight now, a real fight because I had no other way to release this tension. I wanted to punch him, shove him into a wall and knock him senseless or rather knock some sense into him. But I wouldn't. Besides it wouldn't accomplish anything other than to give me a little instant gratification that would just result in me feeling guilty afterwards.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, whispering out the next words.

"You can't do this alone you know."

He walked past me, frustrated and broody as ever.

"No doubt you are right."

I frowned and turned to watch him leave. He didn't look back once and walked purposefully out the door without the slightest hesitation. I was cold now as I wrapped my arms around myself. My anger had leaked away taking with it the warmth in my body. I shook my head, irritated that I was now alone. I wasn't sure if everyone had retired for the evening already or if they were just hiding out until the elf left. It was still early. The sun had set only an hour before at most.

I sprinted up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I got into my room and slammed the door. Stupid elf! I muttered to myself in annoyance and systematically went around lighting the candles that were placed all over the room. That finished, I sat on the edge of my bed and started to undo the buckles of my boots when I soft knock came at the door.

"Yes" unable to contain the annoyance in my voice.

Bodhan poked his head in.

"Sorry to disturb you Messir. Would you like me to run a bath for you? Or perhaps fix you up something to eat?"

I smiled wanly at him. "A bath would be great. But don't worry about the food. I seemed to have lost my appetite."

He nodded, "I'll get started on that now Messir."

"Thank you, Bodhan."

The door clicked softly shut and he was gone.

I stripped off my sweat soaked clothes and threw them in a pile on top of my boots. I laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling trying to understand it all. How had it come to this? I only tolerated his company because he was amusing to argue with. Three years of throwing jabs at each other, disagreeing on everything, playful banter turning into hits below the belt, and suddenly here I was wishing he had stayed, wishing he was lying here next to me…touching me…..holding me. I chastised myself. _What the hell was wrong with me?!_ My arm flung out into the nothingness beside me in hopes that just by wishing he would appear. If only I had such a power.

I sighed completely disgusted with myself.

It was better this way. Were anything to happen it would just make things a chaos of emotional garbage that I honestly didn't need right now. I wanted it. God did I want it, but I definitely didn't need it. I guess things will just go on like before, one jab and wistful look after another. I rolled my eyes at the thought. How much would it take until the madness finally claimed its price? It twisted me, grated me, and called out to me all the same, an unforgiveable painful pleasure. A cost would be paid for giving in, for losing myself in him. So the games would go on, iniquitous, hurtful, appalling games we played with each other. But….whatever floats your boat I guess. I laughed at myself halfheartedly. Maybe we were both depraved and sadistic….a match made in heaven then, or would that be hell.

The cool night breeze came in through my open window, caressing my skin and making it break out in gooseflesh. I sat up and pulled my hair out of my ponytail and shook it out until it cascaded down passed my shoulders to tickle each nipple and curl around my breasts. I stood up, walking over to the mirror to grab the robe that hung there. I glanced at myself in the mirror and stopped dead in my tracks. I looked like some kind of undead goddess. My vibrant red hair was subdued by the darkness making it appear a deep ruddy blood color. My pale skin gleamed around it, marred only by the sun shaped burn scar on my left shoulder. The skin there was of a darker color, standing out amongst all the whiteness to look more like a tattoo instead of a scar. The dark circles under my eyes from my lack of sleep looked even more pronounced, making the whites of my eyes almost disappear until all that existed was a faint reflective glimmer of where they should be. I looked more like a ghost than an actual person. Fitting, I suppose. I sighed and grabbed the robe that hung from the side of the mirror.

I walked into the bathing room to find my tub filled with warm scented water and candles burning all around. The air smelled of vanilla mixed with orchid from both the candles and the overly expensive copper bathtub that stood cattycorner in the room. I took a deep breath and let it out slow, feeling the tension begin to ease. I hung my robe on a wooden hanger next to the tub and slipped into its cozy depths. A large shelf was built into the wall to fit in perfectly with my tub and it held all of my favorite bath salts and scrubs including a few extra emergency items. I brought the knife within easy reach in case of intruders, although I think this was more of my own paranoia than an actual possibility of invaders but still, it was a comfort. I eased myself back until I was almost fully submerged and my head rested on the edge, my hair floating in a large red mass on top of the water. I brought one leg up to hang over one side and stretched the other straight out. I closed my eyes and reveled in this much needed luxury.

I should have known better.

I lost track of time. My mind was consumed with thoughts of him and this growing insatiable desire that would not seem to go away. But it was more than that…so much more. I could feel myself falling….falling…deeper and deeper in the hole. It wouldn't be long now until I was no longer in possession of my own heart. The million dollar question was whether he would break it.

I grabbed the soap in the dish and began to lather it over my body. In my mind they became his hands, smoothing the soap across my stomach and then up over my breasts…caressing them…rolling the nipples between soapy fingers. I shuddered…it was so real. I could feel the rough calluses and heat of his hands, even smell him as I lay back on his chest. That same musky leathery smell that always assaulted my nose whenever he was near, I inhaled deeply, despite knowing I couldn't actually be feeling this.

A soft sigh left my lips, my body arching against his hands as they traveled down my waist to my hips. My blood seemed to rush with the path of his fingers until a dull throb began between my legs. I wanted him to close that last bit of distance but he tarried, teasing long delicious lines from hip to inner thigh, he wouldn't do what I wanted, stubborn even in my fantasies. I could almost see his smile behind me, taunting my flesh until I writhed with frustration.

I clutched the sides of the tub and grinded against him. He moaned and his fingers finally found the spot I wanted mercilessly massaging me until I was practically screaming out his name. My head fell back on his shoulder and my hips bucked against his talented hand as the other continued its torture of flicking and pulling my nipples. I felt him grow hard against my back, groaning low in his throat. His mouth found my neck, sucking and biting on the first piece of flesh he found. My body was nothing but sensation, like liquid fire that burned until I thought I would explode all around him. _Yes please just a little more…._

I awoke with a start, sloshing tepid water all over the floor, my body still singing with excitement. I realized I must have fallen asleep as the water was now cold and I was beginning to shiver. I wondered what woke me up when I heard the sound of voices down stairs. The familiar cadence of Bodhan's voice reached my ears followed by the deep rumbling bass that could only be his. _Oh Maker, he's back!_ My loins throbbed uncontrollably as my dream replayed itself at super speed until all I could feel was that torturing persistent ache between my legs. I wanted him, needed the feel of him inside me.

My inner voice replied with sarcasm, _Sure, because he won't just toss you aside when he's done with you. _I shook my head to dispel the treacherous thoughts.

_Up yours!_ I thought back at that horrible voice.

I rose quickly grabbed my robe and threw it on as water still trickled down my body. I tied it quickly and twisted my wet hair in a bun on top of my head. It wouldn't stay like that for long considering I had nothing to secure it with.

I opened the door and lightly padded to the balcony. Bodhan was arguing with the now irate elf to not disturb my bath.

I smiled, calling out, "It's a little late for that. Don't worry Bodhan, its ok, you can let him up."

The dwarf bowed in my direction, "Yes Messir."

I watched him as he retreated back to the room that he shared with his son and left us alone. A creak on the stairs brought my attention back to Fenris who was staring at me intently. I felt my body grow wet from the heat I saw in that gaze, suddenly glued to that spot as he slowly stalked towards me. My breath caught in my throat when he reached the top and was only inches away.

"Fenris?" I questioned, surprised when my voice came out calm and unaffected by his closeness.

"I have been thinking of you. In fact I've been unable to think of little else. Command me to go and I shall."

I paused, apparently I wasn't the only one with illicit thoughts. With a sudden sense of self assurance bordering on arrogance I replied, "No need."

He smirked and rushed to close that last bit of distance.

His lips met mine with a fierceness I had not expected, born of anger, desire and the denial of so many times before. It was not delicate or soft but a need to claim and possess each other. My world slanted as my lips parted and his tongue slid in against mine. He tasted of wine, sweet and strong. His hands held me against him, the hard metal of his armor grinding into me. My hands found an opening and brushed against the skin of his waist. He moaned into my mouth and broke the kiss only long enough to pull off his gauntlets, grab my arms and thrust me into the wall, pinning my offending fingers from finding more of him to explore.

I growled with frustration, my need to throw him off of me and explore him warring with a strong desire to let him have his way. He took the choice away and claimed my mouth again, all thought ceased as his tongue lashed with my own. I groaned against his lips with pleasure, no longer fighting the restraint. As if the sound were permission given, he abruptly broke the kiss to trail down the side of my neck licking the water that trickled down my skin. When he came to the edge of my robe he began to nibble little bites along my collar and chest. I shivered, and let my head drop back against the wall.

His hands slowly trailed up my arms to my shoulders to find the edge of the robe and tugged at one side down to reveal one water slicked naked breast. Suddenly glad I hadn't bothered to dress more when his mouth immediately moved to claim the already erect nipple. My breathing hitched as a feeling I thought I had been ready for made my body jerk and my hands struggle to find more of him to grab. His mouth closed hot and wet over the small nub and began to suckle, sending shock waves of excitement through my entire body. My body bucked into him of its own volition and I felt him smile as he flicked and sucked until I was crying incoherently.

He abruptly pulled away leaving my breast bare. It took a second to register what he was doing as he swiftly undid the buckles that attached his armor. The chest plate was the first piece to fall away to reveal his lirium lined chest. I had only imagined up until now what it would look like. My imagination didn't even come close to the beauty of what lay before me. The lirium twisted and twirled around his chest like vines, hugging the contour of each muscle. The candlelight in the room adorned his skin as if trying to caress it, something even I couldn't do, showing broad shoulders, corded arms from years of swinging that massive sword that narrowed to a finely defined stomach. The brands swirled through it all covering every inch of his abdomen and disappeared below the edge of his pants. I instantly moved forward to touch him. He shot me a look while still removing the plates on his legs that said "back off". I stopped in my tracks and frowned. My anger washing through me to replace the overwhelming desire I'd felt a moment before. I tugged my robe back into place and went into my bedroom.

I was staring out the window into the moonlit night wondering what his problem was when he walked in completely free of all that metal. I watched him in the reflection of the window as he walked up behind me to wind his hands around my stomach. I shrugged away from his touch while my snarky inner voice chimed in, _Now you've done it, shouldn't take long for him to toss you aside now. _

_Screw you,_ I yelled back at it.

Since day one he had been like this. Never letting me within reach, never letting me get too close, and god forbid I should touch him. I didn't like being treated like a carried the Blight.

He sighed behind me. "Hawke…are you sure you want this?"

I turned around at my name and raised an eyebrow, "Really!" I said in exasperation. "What the hell is this? You can touch me but I can't touch you. Do you know how infuriating that is?!"

He came towards me again but kept his hands to himself. He was close…so tantalizingly close. My fingers ached to reach out and trace the lirium in his chest, to follow the lines underneath his leather pants, to see if his markings covered every last bit. I clenched them in a fist and fought the urge. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

My voice came out in a hoarse whisper. "What do you want from me? Either you want me or you don't."

Hands trailed up the sides of my arms as the warmth of his body pressed into my own.

"Seraphina," his voice saying my name like a silky caress and it made me open my eyes.

"Do you know how alluring you are? You call to me even in my sleep until I'm driven mad with a desire to be close to you, to have you touch me, to feel your hands all over me. But….." he looked away, "the cost of doing so scares me."

I think I was gaping at him. Never had he omitted to any emotion other than anger so openly. My mind was playing catch up when he smirked at my expression.

"Why?" I asked, voice cracking with uncertainty.

He fixed me with a stare trying to decipher the emotion in that one word. He suddenly softened, "How is it you can be so arrogant and then so unsure of yourself?"

I snorted," I'd rather face a hundred dark spawn then deal with…." I paused, unsure of how to word it. After a few moments I sighed, giving up, "It is uncharted territory or me."

His lips curled humorously, "Yes, you are not alone in that."

I raised an eyebrow at him, _I am not an idiot_, I thought. "You somehow think I don't know that."

He huffed to himself, rubbing my arms absently, sending waves of pleasure through me at that simple touch. It was the first half laugh I think I'd ever heard leave his lips. It was a sound that brought a smile to my face.

"Please let me touch you?" I asked without thinking.

He released my arms and stared at my warily, saying nothing. After a few tense moments he nodded. He closed his eyes.

I stared at his chest for a few moments, now that it was so close and at my disposal to explore. My fingertips hovered just over the surface of his skin. Tension radiated from his body and I had a feeling this had something more to do with experiences in the past than it was to be touched by me. The candlelight flickered off the now visible scars that littered his skin, they were almost the same color as his tan skin and practically invisible as my eyes were constantly drawn to the vibrant color of the lirium brands. There were so many, more than I would have thought possible considering he was slave to a mage. There was one very large gash the started at his neck, slashed across his chest and trailed all the way down to below his pants.

I brushed the top of the scar with my fingers hearing his sharp intake of breath. I followed its smoothness all the way down, traveling over the surprising hardness of the lirium that felt like metal burned into his skin.

"What injury is this from?"

He tensed even more, eyes still closed, "A story for another time."

His eyes snapped open with an intensity that had nothing to do with fear. I continued to gaze at him unabashed by the lust I felt towards this man. I grazed over the white dusting of hair that went from just below his navel to underneath his pants. There was nothing boyish or soft about him. He was devastatingly masculine, and all that untamed lust was now mine to savor. There was another rush of heat between my legs as the throbbing caused from my dream reignited.

"If I didn't want you so much," he said with a deadly purr, "I'd let you keep fucking me with your gaze, but you make me impatient."

With quickness I did not expect he grabbed me, picking me up so that I had to wrap my legs around his middle. I could feel the slick hardness underneath his pants press against that sensitive area and I groaned with anticipation.

"As it is, "his deep voice rumbling, "It will take all of my control to go slowly with you.

A deep swell of desire burst through me, causing me to tremble with its intensity. I'd never wanted anything more than this, so I didn't see a reason to wait any longer.

"I wish you wouldn't go slowly."

_**A/N: Sorry for the long interlude the next chapter should come out faster. Hope you all enjoyed it. Please sound off with your comments. I love to read them. Until next time…. **_


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